


Goodbyes are too much to bear, so let's look to tomorrow, see what waits for us there

by ShadowInTheBackground



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-10
Updated: 2013-08-22
Packaged: 2017-12-23 01:54:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/920606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowInTheBackground/pseuds/ShadowInTheBackground
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As the elevator surges to life, electronic hum filling the air, the boys all fall into their own separate worlds; where Niall may be jealous of the fans love of Larry, Louis may love to argue with Niall over when he should sleep, Harry may want Liam to love him, Liam may live to please Harry and Zayn may not believe that people love him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It beats for you

**Author's Note:**

> All mistakes are my own and all comments, good or bad are really appreciated, as I'd love to hear people's opinions on my work and tell me how to improve and what I should try to do next <3

Pushing themselves through the hoards of screaming fans, stopping to take quick photos and write scribbled autographs the boys slowly edge towards the doors of the hotel as they throw smiles out to the crowd. Hands flail, cameras flash and fingers clasp around empty air as the fans try to touch, feel and photograph their idols as their excited cheers and squeals get louder. “Liam we love you!” “Harry you’re a cupcake!” “Niall you’re perfect!” “Zayn you’re our bad boy!” “Louis how good is Harry?”

The door is within reaching distance now, so near yet so far as the boys continue to wave and smile at the fans, making their cheers increase in volume before their idols are quickly shut behind the long glass doors of the hotel safely as bright camera flashes reflect in the thick glass panels. “C’mon boys, let’s get you to your rooms, it’s been a long day.” Paul says red faced from barging through the crowd before grabbing their room keys and leading the way to the elevators. 

The five boys and their bodyguards trail after him as the boys give a final wave to the fans before the elevator doors close around them. “Finally.” Louis sighs his words followed by a yawn as he lays his head on Niall’s shoulder, smooth hair tickling Niall’s jaw as he closes his eyes in exhaustion, leaning into the blonde, arms wrapped around his waist as he smiles in joy at the fans antics outside.

“N’awh, Lou-Bear’s tired.” Harry teases as he slots his chin over Liam’s shoulder, green eyes wide as he looks down at Louis, a soft smile on his face. Liam pats at Harry’s curls as he tells him to shh and leave him be. “But Li.” Harry whines but is quickly silences as Liam’s fingertips scratch at his scalp, making him sigh and lean into Liam’s side, head nestled in the crook of Liam’s neck.

The elevator surges to life as Zayn pokes at the buttons half-heartedly, eyes closed tightly shut as he leans back into the cool metal sides of the elevator, a dopey smile on his pink lips as he toys with the bracelets lining his wrist he was handed as he walked through the crowd to the hotel. The dreamy smile on his face shows he is reminiscing over what happened moments prior; taking in the joyous squeals and cheers from the hundreds, maybe even thousands of people they past to get into the hotel, the way they were cheering for the boys, for him.

Liam looks down at where his fingers become lost in Harry’s perfect curls and his eyes light up knowing that he has such an effect on a person, knowing that the way Harry curls up into him is not just by chance but due to the fact he has done something to please Harry, to make him happy and that makes his heart swell in his chest as Harry’s hot breath ghosts down his neck and dips into the hollows of his collar bones.

Liam’s tender fingers in his hair make Harry’s shoulders relax and take him to another world where Liam is his, just his, where he doesn’t have to share him with anybody else. A world where Liam holds him so close that there is no space for air to sit between them, where the fingers currently dancing in his curls would dance along his skin in undeterminable shapes whilst his lips pasted against his own saying the three words he daren’t. 

Niall’s fingers spread themselves over the exposed skin of Louis’ bicep as he holds him impossibly close to his body, shifting Louis’ head from his shoulder to sit in the crook of his neck as he thinks of Louis, his Louis, the Louis with his small hands pressed to his material-clad waist as he holds up his exhausted body, the simple piece of thread braided around his dainty wrist to spell out ‘Nialler’ because that’s what he is. Louis is Niall’s; not Harry’s or Zayn’s or Liam’s – regardless of what the fans believe. The tiny piece of material a reminder that Louis loves him, that he chose him as he slides it onto his wrist every day, a gentle smile on his lips as he looks at Niall as he ties the bracelet in place every morning.

Niall’s fingers drop down to stroke over where the bracelet contrasts with Louis’ tan skin, fingering at the letters braided into the bracelet as a soft smile sets on his lips, looking down at Louis’ small wrist in his hand. “I love you, y’know.” Louis whispers, sleepy tone to his voice as his hot breath hits Niall’s neck making him shiver into Louis’ smaller form. Niall’s breath hitches in his throat as Louis bows further into his body, passing on his warmth as he snuggles in closer, hands tight around his waist.

Louis lifts his head from Niall’s neck as he presses a light kiss to Niall’s pulse point before looking deep into Niall’s eyes, bright blue and shining in the dull light of the elevator spot lights. He takes Niall’s hand in his own before lifting it up and holding it over his chest, letting the even thump-thump travel onto Niall’s open palm. “So much.” Louis’ face is soft as he looks at Niall, eyes innocent and smile shy.

“I love you too.” Niall replies voice cracking with the happiness Louis’ words gave to him as he bows down and presses a gentle kiss to Louis’ lips as he lays Louis’ smaller palm over his own heart. “It beats for you, Lou.” Louis’ eyes go shiny as his eyes look deep into Niall’s own, an adoring smile on his lips before he moves his hand from Niall’s chest, wrapping their fingers together before dropping his lips to the space where Niall’s heart lies.

Niall’s heart flutters as Louis looks up at him through his long eyelashes, lips parted and nose pressed into Niall’s shirt with their hands entwined and their eyes looking back at each other lovingly before the elevator doors open, everyone spilling out and heading to their respective rooms, happy smiles on their faces as they say goodnight and stuff themselves in their rooms, ready to sleep away their exhaustion until it catches back up with them again. But none of that matters to any of them, so long as they never have to give this up and say goodbye to their lives, to the perfection they share with one another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes are of course my own and if you have any comments, positive or negative, I'd love to hear from you!<3


	2. I'd be a victim of sleep, if I wasn't wrapped up in your arms

Louis’ and Niall’s fingers clench over one another as they set off down the carpeted hallway, room key in hand as they search down their room for the night, once they find and open up the large wooden door and spill inside, they drop themselves immediately onto the softness of the bed. Niall’s arms wrap around Louis, fingering at a loose thread in the seam of Louis’ shirt as he drops a quick kiss to Louis’ lips. Louis’ smiles as his eyes flutter shut and his body goes limp with exhaustion making Niall’s heart well as his boyfriends face goes soft and a sleepy smile sets on his perfect lips as sleep takes hold of him, gentle snores slipping past his parted lips.

Niall lifts himself from the bed and looks down at Louis’ sleeping form, limbs limp as he curls in on himself, arm tucked under his head as a makeshift pillow as his Van-clad feet twist around one other. Niall’s face splits into a wide smile as he looks down on his boyfriend as he smiles in his sleep before reaching down to tug off Louis’ Vans and tight jeans, to make him comfortable as he tucks the duvet cover around him, protecting him from the slight chill in the air. He presses a quick kiss to Louis’ forehead with a quite whisper of “Goodnight.” as he slips from the bedroom to take a quick shower.

The hot spray from the shower reminds Niall of Louis; the way his hands travel all over his body, how his hot breath dances across every inch of his skin, how the heat makes his body shiver and become scattered in goose-bumps, the way his touch removes all of his stress, calms him in a way other things fail, how Louis makes him feel pure and unblemished by the world, makes him feel loved, wanted maybe even needed sometimes and he knows he feels exactly the same thing for Louis.

How he loves to see Louis’ lips mould into a dazzling smile, see the corners of his eyes crinkle in happiness, his eyes shimmer in joy as a loud laugh escapes his perfect, plump pink lips, throwing his head back in uncontested laughter. How he makes Louis’ feel secure, how less self-conscious he seems to have become since Niall started telling him how beautiful each and every part of him is. He loves to show Louis how much he needs him, how if he didn’t have him he would have nothing worth smiling for, nothing worth getting up for in the morning.

“Hey.” Louis’ drowsy voice whispers into his ear as the stream of water continues to cascade over his aching body, Louis’ hands slipping around his tiny waist as Louis’ chin rests on Niall’s bare boney shoulder.  
“Hey Boo, thought you were sleeping.” Niall’s hands sit atop Louis’ on his waist as he turns to kiss at the wet skin of Louis’ neck.  
“Missed you.” Louis mumbles, lips brushing against Niall’s ear as he speaks, his nose buried in the wet strands of Niall’s hair. Louis’ hands trail up Niall’s body to rest on his shoulders, massaging them making Niall lean backwards into Louis and hum in delight as Louis’ fingers rid his body of cricks, soothing him.

One of Louis’ hands stops its ministrations on Niall’s shoulders to reach out blindly behind him, grabbing at the tiny bottles of hotel freebies. Louis’ hands reconnect with Niall’s body as they glide through his hair, fingers caressing the shampoo into Niall’s locks before washing it out with the hot stream of water from the shower head before he soaps up a sponge and rubs it across the pale planes of Niall’s body, suds forming before being instantly washed away by the shower spray.

Louis drops his mouth between Niall’s shoulder blades, kissing at the skin there before trailing kisses up the back of Niall’s neck to his mouth whispering a breathless “I love you.” as their lips connect, beads of water trickling down their bodies as they push themselves impossibly closer, tan skin contrasting with the pale white flesh. Their lips move in sync as their hands dance over each other’s body before pulling away as Niall’s hands take over, lathering Louis’ hair with shampoo and teasing it into his locks, trying to make it stand up in a mohican, much to Louis’ distaste, as he pulls a pouty puppy dog face which Niall kisses away from his lips before the water washes all of the suds away. Niall washes Louis’ body carefully, trailing the sponge over his back and chest then sliding it up his arms before rubbing the sponge further down his torso until he cleans Louis’ legs, dropping a kiss to his shins as he finishes and all of the soap is washed from Louis’ skin. 

Niall looks at his boyfriend’s adoring gaze before pulling him out of the cubicle, wrapping a fluffy white towel around his boyfriend before drying himself off. The pair step out of the fogged up bathroom into the slight chill of the bedroom and quickly discard their damp towels at the foot of the bed, crawling under the thick duvet cover, hiding themselves under the soft sheets and sighing contently as their even breathing fills the air, limbs entwined beneath the duvet as they holds one another, fingers threaded together and matching tired smiles on their lips as they lay together, gazes locked and adoring.

Louis fights off the yawn threatening to exit his soft lips and Niall strokes at his boyfriend’s stubbled jaw affectionately making Louis’ face turn into his hand. “Go to sleep, Lou.” Niall grins as Louis’ eyelids get heavier and heavier and the physical strain on Louis’ face shows just how hard he is trying to keep them open. Louis mumbles unintelligibly but Niall shushes him with a finger to his lips. “Lou, I love you, now sleep, yeah?” Louis’ eyes close slowly as he nods, too tired to protest as sleep takes over and he falls limp into Niall, clutching at his hand before Niall follows him as sleep takes him victim, also.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes are my own and any comments, good or bad, are all appreciated <3  
> If anyone has any ideas for future writings then I'd love to hear from you <3

Liam’s hand stays trapped in Harry’s curls as they walk towards their room, leaving Zayn at his single room door before they open their own door with ease, failing to separate and just standing in the doorway before Liam kicks it closed with his foot, attention still on how Harry’s body melts into his own as he hunts down the seams that should show where they are joined, but he can’t find them.

He can’t see where Harry’s loose black t-shirt joins his own white one as the two seem to flow so effortlessly into one another that they don’t look like two separate skins.  His eyes can’t pick up where his own loose jeans meet Harry’s skin tight ones nor can they see where Harry’s soft skin and his own ends.  Can’t define where Harry’s bouncing curls touch his own short tufts nor can he put his finger on when he started to feel what he does towards his band mate.

Can’t remember ever looking at Harry one day and thinking, ‘you know what, he makes me question my ability to fall in love with women.’  He just knows that when he wakes up Harry is on his mind and that he means more to him than anyone he’s ever been with had and felt like it was his role in life to somehow make Harry happy.  Because Liam likes it when people are happy but when Harry’s happy, well, Liam can’t even begin to describe what he feels.  Can’t put into words what Harry’s joy does to him; the pinch of his cheeks as his dimples sink in as he smiles, his eyes scrunching up adorably and the rhythm less bounce of his as he laughs.

Liam’s eyes go glossy as he thinks about Harry, the boy nuzzled into his side as they stand in the doorway of their hotel room, only the moonlight sauntering through the tall windows at the end of the sitting room area lighting up the room, defining the slithers exposed skin.  Liam’s arms fall to Harry’s waist, rocking on his heels as Harry breathes into his neck, mouth soft against the column of Liam’s neck.

The moonlight casts long shadows behind the pair as they sway slowly, locked onto each other, a slight chill in the air making Harry shiver and fold into Liam further in an attempt to keep warm.  “You cold, Haz?” Harry’s curls swipe over Liam’s jaw as he nods, making Liam’s skin bubble in goose bumps before he shucks off his hoodie, dropping it over Harry’s frame, slipping the hood over his curls for good measure.

Harry shifts in Liam’s embrace, tucking his arms into the too big hoodie as Liam zips it up for him, a small smile on his lips.  “Thanks Li.”  Harry replies, pulling Liam back into him so he can nose at the exposed skin of his neck and listen to the steady thrum of Liam’s pulse as he rakes his fingers over Liam’s muscled biceps.  
“No problem, Haz, anything for you.”

Harry un-tucks his head from Liam’s neck to see his face defined in the soft moonlight, lining his face and catching its beauty so brilliantly that Harry swallows back his fear.  “Anything?”  Harry’s voice is slow, careful as he looks into Liam’s eyes, heart beating beyond recognition and mouth becoming increasingly drier.   
“Anything.”  Liam’s face looks so sincere that Harry throws caution to the wind as he opens his mouth, searching Liam’s eyes.   
“Tell me you love me.”

Harry’s bright orbs search Liam’s own, on the prowl for rejection but he finds nothing as Liam’s heart beats violently in his chest.  “I love you, Harry.”  He nearly chokes around the words as he knows the difference in meaning they have for Harry.  Harry says he loves everyone; uses it as a welcome, a goodbye, a conversation starter and an apology.  Harry uses the words he struggles to say to everyone he meets, he uses it for everything and anyone and that hurts.  Beyond reason.

The way Harry just throws around the words like they mean nothing, and maybe to Harry they don’t in some ways.  Because they’re just words and words don’t always mean anything, they can be disregarded, rejected and maybe that’s what Harry thinks about those words.  That they’re just words.  But really what hurts is that Harry doesn’t ever seem to say that he loves Liam.  He loves Louis, he loves Niall, he loves Zayn but he rarely voices his love for Liam.  That’s what hurts.

“Do you really?” Harry’s eyes are focused on the sad line of Liam’s lips as he plays with the cuff of Liam’s hoodie.  Liam tries to pull his lips up into a smile but it hurts, physically hurts to hide what he feels right now.  
“Course I do, Hazza.”  He thumbs as his hoodie around Harry’s smaller but lankier frame.  “Why wouldn’t I?”  Harry shrugs before leaning into Liam’s chest, breathing him in.   
“Because I’m not funny like Louis or sweet like Niall or perfect like Zayn.”  Harry croaks, voice lost as his hands ball into fists in the material of Liam’s shirt.  His shoulders beginning to bounce and eyes crinkling; but not in the way Liam likes as he watches Harry breakdown in his arms.

Tiny sobs rack through Harry, passing onto Liam as he pulls Harry’s sobbing form closer, threading his fingers through the world famous curls, scraping at his scalp, aiming to calm him down.  “Hazza,” Liam starts but is cut off by Harry’s sob of, “Li, don’t.”  
“But Haz, you don’t need to be funny like Lou, sweet like Niall or perfect like Zayn.”  Liam continues, rubbing shapes in Harry’s clothing.   
“But I do.”  Harry whines, tears dampening Liam’s shirt making his heart break.   
“Haz,” Liam tugs Harry from his body, looking deep into his red rimmed eyes as he strokes away his tears. “Listen to me; you don’t need to be any of that, because you’re you.  You are Harry Edward Styles, not Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan or Zayn Malik.  You are you, Haz and you are all those things in your own way.  You’re hilarious even when you don’t mean to be, you’re adorable in your own way and have you like seen yourself?  I mean you’re perfect, honest.”  Harry chokes on a sob as he laughs at Liam, eyes blown wide.   
“Really?”  
“Of course, Hazza I love you because you’re you, not because you’re someone else.”  Harry’s cheeks flame as he listens to Liam, desperate for Liam to mean what he says, to love him like he does Liam; with such love and admiration that some days he can’t breathe properly as his heart swells to such a size that his lungs can’t fill with air as his heart takes up all the room in his chest.  For him it means that he thinks day and night about him, smiling so wide when he pays attention to him, doing anything and everything to keep him interested – just like Harry does for Liam.

Listening to all of his random stories to try and understand Liam more, to know more about him and what makes him laugh out loud, what makes him pout and how to make him smile.  Trying to do things that may interest Liam so he will pay more attention to him or even go with him.  Keeping his eye on Liam at all times to try and protect him if necessary and to see him smile regardless of his situation to give him happy images to see flash behind his eyelids as he sleeps, dreaming of an alternate universe where Liam could be his, where Liam could love him in the way that Harry loves him.

Liam’s hands running up and down Harry’s back is enough for him to lose all sense as he’s trapped in Liam’s never faltering gaze.  “How much do you love me?”  A stray tears slides messily down Harry’s jaw and Liam frowns at it as his broad finger wipes it away.  
“A lot, Haz.”  Liam’s brow furrows as Harry pushes his arms away and heads to the bedroom, his head bowed.  “Haz?”  Liam’s voice cracks and that’s all it takes for Harry to look back.  To see Liam’s face defined by the moonlight seeping in, his eyes enhanced by the light making his face look more depressed than Harry’s ever seen him.  The deep furrow to his brow darkened by shadows and his lips worried as he digs his teeth into the red flesh as he pleads with his glassy eyes.  “Hazza?”

Liam looks heartbroken as Harry just looks back, his eyes dead and hollow as their eyes meet, his cheeks still flushed red from his tears and his hair mused from where Liam’s fingers ran through it.  “Harry,” his voice crumples on the word and he walks to Harry stopping just inches in front of him.  “Please tell me what I did.”  He swallows his doubt as he reaches for Harry’s hand, rubbing his thumb over the trembling flesh.  “Let me fix it, yeah?  Please.”

The pair’s eyes meet, shining in the eerie glow of the moon as Harry pulls Liam towards the beds; he sits down on the edge of one as Liam stands motionless and nervous in the doorway.  “Don’t look at me like that, Li.” Harry whispers as he pats at the space next to him.  Liam smiles tight but drops to the mattress to please Harry, he likes to please Harry.  “It’s not what you did Liam.”  Harry starts, eye staring off in the distance to avoid Liam’s quizzical stare.   
“But...”  
“It’s what you can’t do.”  
“What?” Liam’s face scrunches as he tries to work Harry out, he must seem mad to Liam, he really must Harry thinks.  “What I can’t do?”  Harry nods slowly, movements jerky as he tries to settle his raging heartbeat and trembling hands as he asks himself if he’s ready for this, for this to happen.  “What is it that I can’t do?”

Liam’s heart shatters as he sees Harry’s normally brilliant green eyes go glassy and dull as he sucks his lower lip between his teeth, biting down hard and swallowing heavy as his shoulders sag and shake intermittently.  Harry looks as broken as Liam’s heart feels and Liam cripples in on himself knowing that Harry feels like he does right now, because God, this is excruciating.  “Love me.”  Harry whispers, voice as broken as he looks.   
“I do love you.”

Harry stands up in an instant, eyes set on Liam’s in pure fury as he throws his fists wildly in the air.  “Not like I do you!”  Harry roars startling Liam making him jump further up the bed.  “I bloody love you, Liam!”  His hands reach up to his curls, tugging fiercely in frustration.  “More than ‘love you’, I frickin’ adore you, Li.  Frickin’ _adore_ you and it hurts so bad knowing that I’ll always just be Harry, not _Harry_ in your eyes.  Knowing that every time you say ‘I love you’ it won’t mean the ‘I love you’ that I want it to be.  It’ll be the same ‘I love you’ that everyone else gets and I’m selfish because I don’t want that, Liam.  I want more, so much more and I hate myself for wanting more than you’re willing to give me, but I do.  So much that it’s killing me Liam, tearing me apart and I just can’t hold it in anymore Li, I just can’t...”  Tears start to drop from Harry’s eyes, sliding down his flushed cheeks, choking around his words.  “I just...”

Liam’s lips attach to Harry’s, lips moulding together as Harry’s salty tears slip down Liam’s face as well as his own as he kisses the choked sobs from Harry’s lips as their mouths move with one another, tongues gliding across each other as they map out the others mouth, eyes closed in bliss as hands rub effortlessly over skin as Harry sinks into Liam’s embrace where he raced into Harry; before the pair stumble blindly onto the bed, lips still thrashing passionately as they make up for lost time. 

“Tell me you love me.”  Harry pants against Liam’s lips between kisses as Liam’s lips mouth against his jaw, licking over the skin, eliciting raspy breaths from Harry.  
“I love you, Harry Edward Styles.”  Liam’s kisses slow down as he holds Harry tight in his arms, fingertips hanging in the belt loops of Harry’s jeans.  “Always have.”  Light kisses to Harry’s lips punctuate his words, “Always will.”  Harry smiles beneath the kisses as he kicks off his shoes to lie on the bed, pulling the duvet around Liam and himself as he runs his sock-clad feet up the lengths of Liam’s calves, happy smile on his lips.

“I love you too, Liam James Payne.”  He twists his fingers into the soft, tear damp material of Liam’s shirt.  “Have from the start.”  Harry tucks his head into the crook of Liam’s elbow and stares dazed at him as his face is illuminated by the moonlight. “Will to the end.”  Liam removes one of his hands from Harry’s belt loops to wrap his fingers in Harry’s, broad smile on his lips as he looks at Harry’s wide happy eyes and toothy smile, dimples denting his cheeks before kissing Harry’s forehead making him close his eyes and hum in delight.  
“Love you, Haz.”  
“I love,” a yawn interrupts his words, “you too.”  Liam smiles fondly at the sleepy boy in his arms as he pulls the duvet higher and tighter around them.   
“Sleep Hazza.”  Harry shakes his head, lips tight over his teeth to hold in a yawn.   
“But...”  
“Haz, sleep please?”  Harry pouts with droopy eyes.  “For me?”  Harry groans in frustration but lets his eyes shut as he drops a kiss to the crook of Liam’s elbow.   
“Just because I love you.” He mumbles as he noses deeper into the crook of Liam’s elbow as sleep takes over. “Just because I lo...”  
Liam grins down at where Harry’s kiss-swollen lips have formed an ‘O’ as he yawns around his words before he lays his head deeper into the pillows behind his head and waits for sleep to take him away.  “Love you too, Haz.”  He whispers as sleep invades his mind and body and he lies surrounded in the warmth that is _Harry_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes are my own and if you have any comments regardless of how insignificant you think they may be I'd love to hear them.
> 
> Also if anyone has any ideas for Zayn's chapter, I'd love to hear from you <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not 100% sure if I like this chapter but I honestly couldn't think of what to do with it!
> 
> Anyway, all mistakes are my own and any comments you have would be greatly appreciated! <3

Slipping into his room, Zayn throws himself onto the large sofa against the wall, blocking his face from sight and groaning into the cushions in frustration.  He bites at the patterned cushion before he sits himself up begrudgingly in the dark room having forgotten to turn the lights on when he came inside and throws his feet up onto the sofa.  ‘Mum would kill me if she saw me’ he thinks before he lowers his feet to the floor in disappointment at himself.  He’s not a bad person.  No, he’s good.  He was brought up right, just people brought him crashing down wrong.

He rubs his hands over the multiple inkings across his forearms, the ones his sisters had been besotted with after he told them he designed them all himself, as he thinks.  Thinks back to the time when his skin wasn’t ‘blemished’ by his passion, when people had started calling him names, names he would never say aloud even just to explain because they felt like poison on his tongue.  When first people saw him as the shy one, the quiet one and maybe he was, maybe he wasn’t quite as outgoing as the others some of the time, but that didn’t mean he deserved to be labelled as that.

Because labels are powerful. 

Labels can change you; force you to do things you may live to regret.  Make you wish you were something you aren’t, make you envy others so powerfully that it causes them emotional turmoil.  Like how he envies Harry’s easy-going nature, Louis’ ability to make anyone laugh, Niall’s ability to be friends with anyone and everyone and Liam’s kindness.  Yeah, he envies his boys, his best friends as they are what he wants to be.  They are everything he isn’t and that hurts, because he’s the odd one out.  He’s not ‘the Irish one’, the ‘curly haired one’, the ‘funny one’ or the ‘sensible one’ – he’s the ‘mysterious one’, the ‘bad boy’ regardless of the fact he’s nothing like that.

He’s the one that would rather sit and read his mountain of comics instead of break a girls heart, draw and sketch instead of go and sleep around, and chug back gallons of Pepsi with the boys than get smashed in a bar.  But no, he’s the ‘bad boy’.  Because he has habits that make the public regard him as a ‘bad boy’.  He smokes – as do around 10 million other people in the UK, he checked – and that makes him a bad boy.  He’s quiet so he is instantly classes as being ‘mysterious’ and people who are shy and quiet only ever turn out to be bad people, obviously.  I mean look at that quite girl who he sat next to in his science class for the last year of school; short, blonde girl who’s cheeks flushed and lost all ability to speak when picked on to answer a question in class and fainted at the sight of blood, she’s obviously going to be the next mass murderer isn’t she, it’s common knowledge.  He chuckles at the thought of Jenny passed out as she stabs her victim, falling onto his limp body as the colour drains from her cheeks and the life drains from his veins but forces him to stop as he feels a bit sick at the thought, I mean she was a nice girl, doesn’t deserve to be thought about like that.  He also has tattoos and that’s the clincher isn’t it.  But so do the other boys.

He’s just the one they take stabs at with their comments.  They joke about Harry’s body being his notepad but it’s never anything particularly serious, not after the moth anyway as people have learnt to accept that he’s going to do as he pleases regardless of people’s opinions.  Then there’s people taking the mickey out of Niall for looking ‘not a day over 12’ but he just brushes it off and doesn’t really let it bother him.  But that’s not how he acted over his teeth.  Because words hurt.  And mean words kill, because the words overtook Niall, and he reacted because he didn’t want to hear it anymore.  So he changed.  Then they stopped.  Then there was Liam who had his love life flagged across the front of the newspapers and Louis who had his weight joked about, but really Louis has got to have the nicest figure he has over seen and God, if Niall didn’t have him he would _so_ go there.  He chuckles at himself as he looks out over the city displayed by the large window at the side of the room.

All bright lights and miles and miles of roads twisting and turning to meet up somewhere or other as people walk the streets below, oblivious to the fact that he’s watching them, that he could potentially be judging everything and anything they do.  But he can’t, he can’t bring himself to judge anyone because he knows how much that hurts when people pick you apart and voice how much they dislike your clothes, hate your tattoos, despise your voice, detest your hair and can’t stand your personality.  He knows what it’s like to have every part of himself torn to shreds, shreds so small and so lost that they can’t be put together to make a perfect image again and that’s what he’s left with.  An empty broken shell of himself.

Zayn’s phones goes off in his pocket, screen lighting up and illuminating the dark wash of his jeans before he pulls it out and logs into Twitter, ready to be bombarded with more hate and more comments as he pulls open the page.  The bright light of the tiny screen of his phone makes him blink rapidly to focus on it in the darkness as he reads through the comments, watching as more build up on his screen before he spots one that catches his eye.

@zaynmalik you inspire me to be me, so let me inspire you to be you <3 #beyourself #youmakemehappy #loveyou

A small smile to sticks to Zayn’s lips as he reads over the words, taking them in as he follows the girl who sent him it, his smile widening as he imagines the way the girl feels right now as she sees that he’s following her.  He clicks onto her profile to see multiple images of the boys and tweets about how lovely there are, how they deserve to be treated as people and not animals and that she ‘won’t stop ‘til they surrender’ and grins as he feels genuinely happy for something he’s done, knowing he’s made someone happy and a weight lifts from the pit of his stomach that he didn’t know had been there but it relaxes him.  Relaxes him enough for him to unclench his fingers from the cushion and sit on it as he turns off his phone, taking in the quiet of the room and how peaceful it is when he isn’t worrying about how to act in front of people, trying to hide from their never ending judgement.

Zayn cracks his neck as the moonlight shines down into the room, enticing him to go to the window to watch as the moon floats in the sky above him, not a care in the world and he begins to envy it until he hears the screams and cheers from below. Sees the handmade signs dancing in the air and the flashes of cameras in the darkness by the entrance to the hotel where he entered no more than half an hour ago.  The cries increase as he clicks open the window, looking down on the 15 or so shouting fans as they gaze up at him, broad smiles on their faces and some tears trickling down cheeks as they see him.

He waves down at them and blows kisses out to them before he walks away from the window and slips his feet back into his shoes before closing the door softly and slipping down the stairs to the lobby of the hotel.  The fans eyes sparkle as they look up at where he had previously been until he opens the tall glass doors to the hotel and they catch sight of him walking towards them.  The adoring smiles they give him make his heart melt as they look at him, eyes wet with tears before calming down and asking for pictures and autographs under the moonlight. 

He obliges them all, taking multiple pictures with them all and signing anything they have as he kisses their cheeks as he moves around the crowd, flashing smiles and blowing kisses out to the fans, making them smile and laugh and Zayn can’t remember the last time he felt like this.  Felt so light and so happy he could burst as he wraps his arms around the fans, smiling into lenses of cameras and talking to them, listening to anything and everything they have to tell him as he does the same, telling them about the boys and the tour and all the stories he can think of to make them smile and blush and laugh.

As the crowd starts to clear he comes to the last few people still milling around and smiles at them, his eyes sparkling in joy as he sees them grin back wide at him, hands shaking as they hold out a folder to him.  They look worried as he takes it from their hands with a quick ‘thank you’ and flicks through it, studying every picture and every word on the pages inside, seeing himself and the boys littering the pages.  As he flicks to the last page he sees an A3 sheet of paper filled with words and frowns in confusion, biting his bottom lip as he tries to work out what it means.  He looks at the group of four girls when the giggle at his confusion, fingering over the words on the page, trying to make sense of it.  “It’s you.”  One of the girls mumbles behind her thick coat sleeves, eyes wide in amazement as she looks upon Zayn.  “It’s what you are.”  Another voices comes as she points shyly at the words, “It’s what you are to us, even if you don’t believe it.”

Zayn gasps as he listens to them, joining up the mix of the words ‘beautiful’, ‘extraordinary’, ‘best singer’ and ‘angel’ as his cheeks flame in protest, “That’s not me.”  He chuckles, brushing his hand through his hair shyly as the girls look at him with such _admiration_.  “It is Zayn, it’s what you are but you can’t see because people keep trying to force you to be something you’re not.”  The smallest of the girls says and she reminds him of Jenny; the girl from his science class all those years ago, the girl who would talk to him and only him in lessons and shy away from anyone else because they made her uncomfortable as they would talk about her behind her back, but Zayn, well Zayn liked her. 

Liked how she would talk to him, convince him that he wasn’t stupid when he made a mistake in balancing an equation and would wait for him to catch up so they could work together.  She was the one who made him feel like it was okay to be himself around someone outside of his family, she was the one that wasn’t looking for perfection, was just looking at Zayn as a human; a person who could make mistakes and that wouldn’t change her opinion of him.  She made him believe that imperfections were perfect, that he was his own kind of perfect.

“Thank you.” Zayn chokes as he pulls them into his arms, careful not to damage his present as he tugs them close, nosing at their hair and stroking over their coats as he breathed them in, lets them rest their hands against his body as they take in their idol as they shivered in the cool night air, clutching at his shirt as they held him whilst he bit at his lips, holding back the tears that wanted to fall.  He pulls away slowly and smiles at them, tight lipped as he tries to hold in his emotions but they just tug him back in and tell him that “It’s okay to cry, crying patches up the holes in your heart.”  And he chuckles at that as his tears slide down his face, dripping off his chin and they wipe them away softly, making his heart flutter at their kindness as they let him be him; not Zayn from One Direction, but Zayn, the Zayn that Jenny was happy with.

“Thank you.”  He repeats as he hugs them all individually, taking pictures with red rimmed eyes and happy smiles and signing his autograph on their shirts, CD’s and books carefully before they wave at him as he steps back into the hotel, them telling him that they love him as he smiles back at their receding forms before they are lost in the darkness of the night and he wanders back to his room, folder close to his chest, happy smile on his face as he watches the people pass by from his window and he feels like he hasn’t in years.  Feels like he did whenever science class came around and he’d see the white smile of Jenny as she joked quietly about the teacher, making him laugh loud and smile with his teeth pressed to the back of his teeth as his joy took over without feeling the need to quieten his voice or smile ‘more maturely’ because that’s not who he is.

He’s Zayn and Zayn does all of that.  Zayn smokes because he wants to; Zayn gets tattoos because he likes them, Zayn laughs like he does because he’s happy, Zayn’s quiet because sometimes he has nothing to say and Zayn’s Zayn because he wants to be Zayn not because it makes him a desirable boy band member.  Zayn’s who he is because that’s he is who he is, and if people have a problem with that then, they’re not the first and they most certainly aren’t the last but that doesn’t mean they can judge him or control what he does with his life because he knows that there are people in the world like Jenny who won’t judge him and will treat him how he should be treated:  human.

Zayn sighs to himself as looks up to the moon, carelessly dancing across the sky and for the first time since One Direction began he doesn’t feel envious of its glowing white light or its effortless balance in the universe, he feels almost equal to it because now, he has a purpose, an effortless balance in the universe.  He has the purpose to be an inspiration to his fans, to the people that love him and that is enough purpose to make anyone smile because when he looks out on the bright lights of another nameless city he knows, just knows that people look up to him; look up to him like they do the moon. 

Because he means something to people, means something to himself now and that is the best feeling in the world, knowing that he’s not just the one who can’t balance a simple equation in Chemistry but the one who makes people happy daily and that makes his heart swell in his chest and a teary smile curve on his lips as he settles under the duvet on his bed, dreaming of the smiles he put on the faces of the fans tonight, of how he made them happy and they did the same back as they taught him who he really is. 

That he is Zayn and Zayn deserves to be happy too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes are as always my own and if you have any comments, positive or negative, I would love to hear from you !<3


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes are my own (there's bound to be a lot as I haven't read through it) and any comments, good or bad, would be really appreciated <3

Louis looks down at Niall laid across him when he wakes up the next morning, the sunlight sharp on Niall’s pale skin as it thrusts itself into the hotel room, casting shadows through the room and intensifying Niall’s skin; making it glow in the confines of the room.  His hair shimmers in the glare from the sunlight despite its messy position atop his head as he lays across Louis’ tattooed chest, fingers subconsciously tracing the black lines inked to his skin as he sleeps.  His lips are parted as he snores lightly and mouths at Louis’ chest, making him shiver in delight. 

Louis watches as Niall snuggles into his chest, nosing at the skin strung over his ribs as he grapples at the final minutes of sleep as the sun falls onto his face, bright and uncomfortable, as his eyelids try to block out their penetrative rays.  He groans as he comes up from sleep, eyes not yet open but brain active as he reaches down to find Louis’ hand, threading his fingers into Louis’ tan ones and squeezing lightly as he kisses Louis’ chest. “Mornin’.”  Niall rasps as he removes his lips from Louis chest and tries to hold his eyes open long enough to see Louis.  
“G’ mornin’”  Louis whispers, voice broken with sleep as he squeezes Niall’s hand back with a small smile on his lips as he sees Niall’s eyes shut again and drop back onto his chest. “Sleep well?”  Niall groans in response and Louis chuckles, tracing shapes into Niall’s back and feeling the nubs of Niall’s spine under his fingers.  
“We really should have closed the curtains.”  Niall whines, voice gravelly as he pulls himself out of sleep enough to keep his eyes open, orbs as blue as any ocean and as charming as ever.    
“Yeah,” Louis agrees as he pulls Niall closer to him, kissing his forehead as Niall kisses at his throat. “we should.”  Niall slots his head under Louis’ chin, kissing at the hollows of Louis’ collarbones, fingers tracing the words inked to his chest.

“I love you.”  Niall punctuates each word with a kiss across the width of his collarbone, tongue occasionally poking at Louis’ tan skin.  “So much.”  Louis smiles dopily at his boyfriend as he lifts his head to look at Louis, eyes candid and pure as his fingers travel up Louis’ face, stroking over Louis’ newly stubbled jaw in admiration as the coarse hairs scour across his fingertips.  
“You need to shave, Boo.”  He mumbles, still fascinated as the hairs grind across his skin, leaving his skin feeling soft.  Louis pouts as he looks up at the boy laid on top of him making Niall laugh, voice still crackling from disuse.  
“Why?”  Louis whines as he nuzzles his jaw at Niall’s fingers, scraping the short hair over Niall’s fingertips.  
“Because I do wanna get stubble rash, Boo.”  He coos stroking at Louis’ jaw and smiling down on his boyfriend as he continues to pout.  
“You’re not gonna get stubble rash, though.”  He argues, confusion in his eyes as he nuzzles closer into Niall’s hand, desperate to feel Niall’s hands on him.  
“I will when I kiss you, Boo.”  Niall teases, wiggling his eyebrows seductively to get his idea across to Louis, who’s eyes go wide in realisation before he hulks himself out of bed, leaving Niall thrown across the sheets pouting himself as he watches Louis scuttle into the bathroom.

 “Louuu!”  Niall whines as he shifts into a sitting position on the bed, “What are you doing?”  Louis doesn’t reply as he turns on the tap and comes running out of the bathroom less than two minutes later, pouncing on top of Niall as he kisses down the pale column of Niall’s throat.  His lips mouthing at and sucking on the delicate skin there as he nibbles at his Niall’s throat; coaxing gasping moans from his boyfriends lips as he trails his lips up Niall’s neck to his jaw, leaving lingering kissing across the smooth arch.  Louis pulls his lips from Niall’s skin as he noses along his jaw, whispering sweet nothings into Niall’s skin, making him grin wide as Louis moves up to his mouth, biting along his bottom lip playfully before locking their mouths together and mapping out Niall’s mouth with his tongue.  The two lay sprawled across the crumpled hotel sheets, breathing deeply into the others mouth as they kiss intensely, tongues tangling together and lips sliding in sync as they thread their fingers together much like their mouths.  “Love you.”  Niall gasps between kisses, making Louis’ mouth twist into a smile as he sucks on Niall’s tongue and licks into his mouth, making him flush as he tugs on the short hairs at the nape of Louis’ neck, bringing the pair closer so he can nip at Louis’ bottom lip, making him groan also.

Louis pulls back slowly, slowing down their embrace to breathy kisses upon the others lips as he holds Niall tight in his arms, holding a breathless and flushed Niall against his chest so he can feel the erratic beat of Niall’s heart as he wills his own heartbeat to slow.  “Love you too.”  Louis mumbles into the soft skin of Niall’s neck, breath hot on his skin as he speaks.  
“Yeah?”  Niall sounds almost surprised as Louis lifts him in his arms, keeping their hands entwined as he hoists Niall into his lap, his head against the headboard as Niall faces him.  
“Course I do.”  Louis whispers heartfelt as he kisses Niall’s kiss-swollen lips quickly. “I love you eminently.”  Niall chuckles, head thrown back in contentment.  
“Who swallowed a dictionary?”  Louis pouts and tickles Niall’s sides, making him squirm in his lap and laugh harder.  
“Take it back.”  Louis warns as his ministrations on Niall’s sides become harder and faster, forcing more laughs from his lips.  Niall shakes his head insistently and tries to escape Louis’ grasp as he tickles him further, making Niall breakdown in a fit of giggles, limbs flailing as he tries to push Louis’ fingers from him, but failing miserably as Louis continues his actions more intently. “Take it back.”  Niall breathes in a large breath, filling his lungs as he nods quickly, “Okay, okay, you win, Lou, you win, I take it back!”  Niall huffs as he continues to try squirm away from Louis.

“Good,” Louis replies as he removes his fingers from Niall’s sides and instead allows them to dance up and down Niall’s exposed back, “because I did not steal a dictionary, I was with Zayn and he said it, so actually I have been listening to a dictionary.”  Louis smirks as Niall chuckles lightly, slapping at Louis’ chest and telling him to ‘stop it’.  The pair lay against each other, breathing patterns settling as they just sit in the flare of sunlight bouncing into the room, light travelling up their bare bodies as they hold one another, breathing in the other.  “I think it’s time to get up, Ni.”  Louis groans as he sees how high the sun is in the sky of another nameless city, running his fingers up and down the elongation of Niall’s spine, basking in how it feels under his fingers.  
“I was waiting for that,” Niall groans as he turns around to look out the window that’s coating them in bright light, “and when did you become sensible?”  Louis grins all teeth and crinkled eyes as Niall looks at him zealously.  
“When you gave me your heart.”  Louis replies justly, making Niall blush and bite his lips in admiration for his boy.  
“Really?”  
“Yeah, when you gave me something as precious as that I knew I had to be careful and sensible to protect it.”  Niall’s heart flutters in his chest as he looks at the way Louis’ eyes sparkle in sincerity and fondness as he looks upon Niall like he found a way to cure cancer, like he does every day and every night whether they’re near or apart.  
“You want to protect my heart?”  Niall says dumbfounded.  
“Of course I do, Nialler, you gave me something which I never expected to ever receive,”  Louis threads their fingers together and squeezes lightly making Niall smile, “so of course I want to protect it.  I love you too much to want to break it, even minutely.” 

Niall crashes his lips to Louis’ instantly, resuming their passionate embrace as he runs his hands over the arches of Louis’ cheekbones, into his hair and down the back of his neck as he caresses Louis’ mouth with his tongue, winding it around Louis’ own as he smiles against Louis’ plump lips.   
“I love you too.”  Niall whispers as he pulls back, words ghosting over Louis’ kiss-plumped lips making Louis smile wide and Niall’s heart flitter.  Niall licks across his lips quickly before pressing a chaste kiss to Louis’ cheek before hopping out of bed, leaving a grumbling Louis behind.

“Ni, where ya going?”  Louis groans as he flips himself over so he’s laid across the end of the bed, expanse of his tanned back contrasting against the sheets below him as he watches Niall traipse around the room, tugging on the Louis’ discarded shirt from the day before and his own baggy jeans before dropping onto the edge of the bed in Louis’ arms.  “I preferred you before.”  Louis teases as he noses at his t-shirt loose around Niall’s frame and sighs as Niall leans back to tug a sock onto his foot.    
“Yeah, but I don’t think anyone else would have.”  Niall says as Louis tugs him back in his arms to lay his head on Niall’s shoulder, kissing at Niall’s earlobe.  
“I’ll have you know, there are lots of people who would die to see you starker’s m’dear.”  Louis whispers into Niall’s ear as he pinches his bum through his jeans cheekily.  
“Well, I’m sorry but I save that for you, Boo.” Niall replies, standing up to find his shoes on the other side of the room and slipping them on as Louis cheers, fist pumping the air.  
“You preserve yourself for me,” He swoons into the sheets, “Oh, Ni!”  Louis grins as Niall shoots him a look of un-amusement and gets up from the bed, slipping on his jeans and paddling over to Niall in the kitchen area of their room.  “Tea, I need tea.”  Niall chuckles fondly at his boyfriend and reaches for a mug, simultaneously dropping a tea bag into the porcelain before handing it to Louis.  “Cheers, babe.”  
“Anytime, Boo.”  Niall wraps his arms around Louis, tracing over his abs as the pair wait for the little kettle to boil, Louis’ hands over Niall’s as he leans back into Niall.

The kettle boils within minutes and Louis’ attention is purely focused on his tea, pouring the hot water into the mug and the other necessary items before he brings the steaming cup to his lips, ready to feel the warmth of the liquid happiness trickle down his throat.  “That’s vile!”  He spits the ‘tea’ quickly back into the mug, disgusted expression on his face as he pushes the mug onto the worktop. “Icky!”  He pouts at a laughing Niall unhappily before Niall wraps his arms around his boy and pulls his bare chest flush against his own t-shirt clad one.  
“I’ll get you some tea when we leave, yeah?”  Niall reasons as Louis continues to pout into his chest before he feels Louis smile against him, lips curved up into a smile as he buried his head into the material of Niall’s shirt.  
“My hero.”  Niall feels the smirk against his chest before he sees it but it makes him grin happily regardless.  
“Always.”  Niall grins, kissing Louis’ forehead as he takes a sip of Louis’ discarded tea.  “S’not that bad, had worse.”  Louis sighs at him, shaking his head in frustration.  
“You came from Ireland, that’s why.”

 Louis shrieks as Niall lifts him in the air, carrying him to the sofa in the room, legs frolicking to get away. “Put me down, Niall!”  
“Take it back.”   
“Never.”  Louis argues as Niall sets him on the large cushions of the sofa, straddling his waist in the process.  
“Take it back.”  Niall pushes as he traces his fingers up Louis’ sides tauntingly as he eyes him, watching for any sign that Louis will give in.  
“Never, ever, ever, eve-“  Louis is cut off as he squeals Niall’s fingers tickle his sides, pinning him back against the sofa and leaving him defenceless as he throws his head back in laughter.  “Ni-Niall!”  He cries as Niall flicks his fingers over his sides, forcing out fits of laughter from Louis as he tries to fight against Niall’s iron grip. “P-please!”  
“Take it back.”  Niall whispers as he continues to poke at Louis’ sensitive sides, exciting spasmodic laughter from his boyfriend.  
“Niall!”  Louis whines as he bites back a laugh, squirming under Niall’s weight as he thrashes around.  
“You take it back,” Niall slows his ministrations, “and I’ll stop, Boo.”  Louis pouts behind a chuckle of forced laughter as he looks sadly at Niall.  
“I take it back.”  Louis agrees, still pouting before Niall kisses it from his lips making Louis smile. “But Irish tea is disgusting, you have to admit.”  
“I am not going to diss the tea from Ireland, since I’ve never drank it.”  Louis looks at Niall wide eyed.  
“You haven’t?”  Niall shakes his head. “You came from Ireland and you’ve never drunk Irish tea?”  Niall shakes his head again. “What sort of Irishman are you?”  He grins wide at Niall as he rolls his eyes at him playfully. “I mean really, Nialler, what have you been doing with your life?”  
“Loving you.”  Louis blushes as he pushes at Niall’s chest, ducking his head in Niall’s shirt to hide his flaming cheeks at Niall’s statement.  “Hey, Boo,” Niall lifts Louis’ chin so he can look his brilliant cerulean orbed boy in the eye, “Love you.”  
“Love you too.”  Louis quickly presses his lips to Niall’s in a brisk embrace before he falls back, his head on the pillows behind him as he ogles his boy; all wide smile and bright eyes just for him.  The boy that gave him his heart in return for his own, the one that he cannot imagine a life without, can’t imagine falling asleep without him by his side, the one that made his life bright and happy.  His boy.

Niall falls onto Louis’ chest, feet slipped out of his shoes and tucked under Louis’ thighs to keep warm and hold him steady as he balances precariously on Louis’ lap, head tucked under the point of Louis’ chin and breath wandering across the expanse of Louis’ bare chest as they sit together on the hotel sofa, watching the sun’s voyage across the sky.  “I love doing this with you.”  Louis mumbles, fingers stroking through the messy locks of Niall’s hair as the sunrises around them.  Niall shifts in his lap looking up at Louis in confusion and idolisation as the sun casts shadows across Louis’ face, defining the arch of his cheeks.  
“Doing what?”  Niall’s hands are pressed open palmed to Louis’ chest over his heart, feeling the rhythmic thrump-thrump-thrump of Louis heart.  
“Being happy with you.”  Louis whispers, voice quiet yet loud in the silent room. “Being able to sit in unbroken silence and know that we don’t need to say anything to each other to be happy.”  Niall beams at his boyfriend, tracing a heart over his heart with the tip of his finger.  
“I love doing that with you too.” Niall whispers against Louis’ skin, words vibrating over Louis’ chest, like a second heartbeat.

The pair fall silent as they just hold one another without the need for verbal exchanges, just smiling at and brushing their hands over the other to show their infatuation with them as they clutch at the other; feeling their breath hot against their skin and their thrumming pulse below their ear as they sit in their personal bubble of idolisation for the other, waiting to be pulled into yet another promotional event for the band but knowing that no matter what happens, _this_ is theirs and no one can change that – not management, not the boys, not the public.  _This_ is their decision and they wouldn’t trade _this_ for the world.   
 “I love you, Ni.”  
“I love you too, Lou, I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes are my own and if you have ANY comments, positive or negative, let me know, I'd love to know what people think of my writing and also if anyone has any ideas for this or any future writings <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really like this chapter but I really wanted to update.  
> Anyway, any and all mistakes are my own and if you have any comments, positive or negative, I'd love to hear them <3

Liam drifts into consciousness as he rubs his hand over the sheets next to him, crumpled from use but cold to the touch, breaking him from his vivid green orb filled slumber as his hand travels up and over the thick hotel sheets, looking for his boy.  The boy who fell asleep in his arms just hours before in the vast moonlight of the room with tear stained cheeks and a once broken heart, the boy who said those three words and eight letters that Liam can’t bring himself to say out loud unnecessarily.  But he did.  He said the words that have choked him up for months, to those beautiful eyes; to the boy of his quite literal dreams.

Liam’s brain kicks in then – Harry’s not in bed.  “Haz?”  Liam’s voice sounds broken and dripping with sleep even to himself as he rubs his eyes with the back of his hand, trying to focus his eyes to search down Harry.  Liam gets no reply so he tries again, louder than and not quite as raspy as the first time but still he receives nothing back.  Liam slips out of bed, duvet wrapped around his shoulders like a cape as he trudges through the hotel room; popping his head into the door of the bathroom to find no one, looking in the walk-in wardrobe to just see empty racks and hangers and then to the kitchen area to see a lack of curly hair and green eyes. 

Liam’s heart begins to race as he thinks of why Harry isn’t there, of all the bad things that could potentially have happened for him to just not be there.  He jogs across the room, looking for his phone, for his hoodie so that he can text Harry or one of the boys to see if they know where Harry is.  “Damn.”  Liam mutters as he thinks back to the night before, to giving Harry his hoodie to keep him warm as they held each other, swaying in the moonlight, Liam grins internally at the memory before cursing himself as he remembers that he should be worried about Harry.  So he slips on his shoes before heading towards the door, turning at the last instant to look at the bed, the duvet thrown lazily back onto the mattress, the bottom sheet crinkled from where he and Harry laid last night, the indentation of Harry’s head still partially visible in the cotton of the pillow cases and he smiles knowing that he had Harry, he admitted he loved him and Harry did the same in return because Harry loves him.  Harry frickin’ Styles loves Liam bloody Payne and if that doesn’t make his heart feel like it will explode, then nothing will.

Liam quickly slips out of the room, trudging down the corridor of the hotel down to the rooms he knows the other boys are in before knocking on one, smile still tugging at his lips as he thinks about the night before and how Harry looked with his hoodie pooled over his lankly frame.  “Well hello there, dear Liam.”  Louis chuckles as he opens the door, chest exposed and hair messy, a broad grin on his lips.  
“Hey, Lou, you seen Harry?”  Louis frowns at Liam, poking at his chest as he swings on the door.  
“Wow, yeah Liam, I’m good thanks, you?  So glad you could ask.”  Louis snides making Niall chuckles behind the door before he pokes his head around, smile stretched on his lips.  
“Hey Li, you alright?” Niall asks as he tucks himself under Louis’ arm, kissing Louis’ rib cage as he goes.  
“Aren’t you gonna have a go at him babe, he was rude to me.”  Louis whines as he squeezes Niall’s side to get his attention, making Niall chuckle at him before grinning up at Liam.  
“Liam, how dare you be rude to my Boo Bear.”  Louis grins down at Niall with such affection that it makes Niall blush as they hold eye contact, having a silent conversation before Niall turns his attention back on Liam. “So yeah, y’ite Li?”  
“You seen Harry?”  Niall frowns slightly at the question as he shakes his head before Louis does the same.  
“Thought he was sharing with you?”  Louis says as he threads his fingers in Niall’s sleep mused hair absentmindedly.  
“He is, he just wasn’t there this morning.” Louis and Niall share a look before setting their eyes back on Liam, both confused.  
“He wasn’t there?”  Niall repeats, Liam wrings his hands around his wrists as he nods, avoiding their gazes.  
“No, he was there last night, he went to sleep before I did and he was definitely there.”  Liam blushes at himself as he thinks back to how Harry went soft and pliant in his arms, tucking his head in the crook of his elbow as tiny snores slipped past his kiss-swollen lips.  “But when I woke up he was gone.”  Louis frown as he tightens his grip on Niall who’s now leant into his side.  
“You called him?”  Niall asks, eyebrows furrowed as Liam shakes his head.  “Why not?”  
“He’s got my phone.”  Louis and Niall look at him as if he has two heads so he carries on. “It was in my hoodie and he has my hoodie.”  The blank looks continue, making Liam nervous. “I gave it to him because he was cold and my phones in the pocket so I can’t call him.”  Louis and Niall finally focus on each other instead of him making Liam release the breath he didn’t know he was holding.  
“You want to borrow a phone, Li?”  Louis asks, voice sincere as he reaches out to Liam, pulling him into their room and urging him to sit on the sofa before he hunts down a phone.    
“You okay, Li?”  Niall whispers as Louis traipses around the room hunting down a phone, eyes honest as he looks at Liam and then Liam just breaks.

“No.”  He croaks, voice broken as he looks down at his hands; the hands that held Harry, wiped away his tears and held his face as he kissed him.  “No, I don’t think I am.” Raspy tears scrape up Liam’s throat as Niall reaches out to him, pulling him close to his thin torso and muffling Liam’s tears in his shirt as he shushes him, hands rubbing soothing shapes in Liam’s back.   
 “N’awh, Li, I swear it’s okay, Harry’s okay.”  Niall coos as Liam shudders against him, hands pushing at Niall’s chest in protest.  
“He left, Niall.”  Liam lifts his head from Niall’s shirt to showcase his tear-streaked cheeks and wobbling lip, “He left.”  Niall nods sorrowfully at Liam as he pats at Liam’s back, wiping away the tears dripping down his jaw.  “Niall, he left.  He left me.”  
“He didn’t leave you, Liam.”  Niall reprimands making Liam’s lip wobble harder, croaky sobs begging to slip from his mouth.  “He just wasn’t there this morning, I’m sure there’s a reason why.”  
“The reason is because I kissed him Niall.” 

Niall’s hand stills on Liam’s back as he takes in Liam’s words before it returns to its original soothing rhythm.  “I told him I loved him and kissed him, Niall.  My friend, my band mate, I kissed him, Niall.  I’ve freaked him out and he’s left because of what I did.”  Liam pouts at himself as Niall’s hand slows down on his back, stuttered sobs wracking his body as he curls in on himself.

“You have not freaked him out, Liam, y’hear?”  Louis’ bright blue eyes come in line with Liam’s own tear filled brown ones as he holds onto his hand, on his knees in front of Liam.  “He loves you, okay Liam.  He wouldn’t be freaked out because of that.”  
“Then why did he leave, Louis?”  Liam pants as he wills away his cries, wiping ferociously at his tears slipping down his face, angry at himself for losing his temper with his friends.  Louis’ face falls slightly before he holds control, making Liam sob a little bit more in disappointment with himself.  “I’m sorry, Lou.”  Liam croaks through his tears.  
“I know you are,” Louis strokes loving circles over the back of Liam’s hand in the same rhythm as Niall on his back.  “Now listen to me, yeah, Harry does not hate you, so never think anything other than that, okay?  So he probably just left for some fresh air or something, or maybe he had somewhere to be, he always used to leave early in the morning when I roomed with him.”  Louis’ words relieve Liam, ridding his mind of all the horrific pictures it had formed of why Harry had left, why he wasn’t in Liam’s arms when he woke up.  Liam’s tears and cries stop as he falls back into the cushions of the sofa, trying to even out his breathing for definite before looking back down at Louis.

“He did?”  Liam’s voice is quiet but free of wails; he internally praises himself as he looks at Louis who nods.  “Okay, erm, well, I’m sorry.”  Liam plays with his fingers as Louis jumps up onto the sofa into Niall’s lap and Niall’s hand falls from his back to wrap around Louis’ bare waist.  
“No problem mate.”  Niall assures him as he noses at Louis’ neck.  “So, you wanna call him?”  Liam nods quickly making Niall and Louis smile wide at him as Louis passes over his phone.  
“Remember Li, he loves you, not hates you.”  Liam smiles at Louis’ reminder as he taps in Harry’s number nervously before bringing it to his ear and listening to the incessant dial tone as he waits for Harry’s slow raspy voice to be emitted into his ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes are my own and I'd love to hear any comments you have, good or bad <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes are my own and any comments you have, good or bad, would be greatly appreciated <3

“Haz?”  Zayn opens the door slowly, muscles creaking below the skin as he moves, rubbing his hand over his eyes before threading it through his sleep mused hair.  “What’cha doing up so early?”  Zayn’s voice is gruff and raspy with sleep as he urges his eyes to stay open, tugging the door open wider so that Harry can get inside.  
“I just wanted to see you.”  Harry smiles, face straining against his actions as Zayn looks at him disbelievingly.  
“That’s bull, Haz.”  He trudges along the carpet of his room before falling down onto the rumpled sheets of his bed in a tired puddle.  “Now tell me what you actually want to see me for before I drop back to sleep.”  Zayn smiles sleepily as Harry crawls up the bed to sit next to his sprawled out form, face nervous as he wrings his wrists. 

The pair sits in silence, Harry biting nervously at his lip whilst Zayn fights against the urge to fall asleep before Harry’s slow voice breaks it.  “I think I’ve messed up.”  He sounds so broken that Zayn’s eyelids refuse to close, instead opening wider than ever before as he looks at his floppy haired friend.  
“Messed up what?”  Zayn asks cautiously as Harry continues to worry his lip, piercing tiny slits into the thin flesh, forcing slithers of red to seep out before Harry licks them away, dampening his lips to respond.  
“Liam.” Harry’s lip stops being harassed as Harry licks them clean, almost willing the self inflicted wounds to heal.  
“Liam?”  Harry nods slowly, avoiding Zayn’s confused eyes and staring down at the long sleeves of the hoodie zipped around his torso, smiling down at it as he smells Liam in its fibres, feels Liam against his own skin.  “How have you messed up Liam?”  
“I’ve messed up our like, relationship,” Harry blushes at himself as he thinks of all his wishes about that dream relationship; about how he would be able to feel Liam’s lips against his, hear Liam’s raspy morning voice in his ears and be the reason why Liam smiles that beautiful smile of his. “Friendship I mean.”  
“And why do you think you’ve done that?”  Harry curls in on himself on the bed, desperate to talk about what he’s feeling but scared of the rejection of it, of how Zayn may react to what he’s thinking, feeling, hey even dreaming about.  How he may find Harry repulsive or something equally as awful when he tells him about how he wants his band mate to love him in a way that stretches farther than friendship; the way that he wants Liam to appreciate him in more ways that what he should be allowed, in the ways he dreams about every night and thinks about every time Liam’s in close proximity.  He wants to be told it’s okay to feel like that, he wants to just _tell_ someone, get it off his chest so it’s not weighing so heavily on his shoulders and in the pit of his stomach.

“I told him I loved him.”  Harry gulps as he gauges Zayn’s reaction, but is just met with an easy smile and honest eyes, no sign of disappointment in his face or his body language.  “And I kissed him.”  Zayn lifts himself up from his sprawled out position on the bed to sit up against the headboard, to look directly at Harry and pats at the space next on the mattress to him.  Harry clambers over the crinkled sheets to sit beside him, his posture slouched against the board as he tucks his hands inside the too big cuffs of Liam’s hoodie.  “Then fell asleep in his arms and I just needed to get out you know?  I needed to get out because I don’t know what to do, Zayn, I really don’t.”  Harry’s voice cracks by the end of the sentence and he quickly pulls his hands from the sleeves, wiping fiercely at his eyes to rid them of the fat tears that have built up there.

Zayn pulls Harry’s tearful form into his chest, tucking his curly haired head under his chin as he mumbles sweet nothings into Harry’s curls as he cries into his hands and Zayn’s chest, shoulders bobbing as he lets out his sadness.  “Shh, Haz, it’s okay, I swear.”  Zayn coos as he strokes his hands over Harry’s back, tucking his hair behind his ears as Harry’s sobs quieten to hiccups.  “Honestly, it’s gonna be fine, Hazza.”  
“But what if it’s not,” Harry hiccups around his words, splitting his sentences, “what if he hates me, Zayn?  I can’t handle him hating me, I really can’t.”  Harry wipes at his eyes quickly before raising his tear tracked face to look up into Zayn’s sorrowful eyes.  “I’d rather die than have him hate me, Zee.  I love him.  I honestly do and I can’t handle him hating me.”  
“He doesn’t hate you.”  Zayn reasons as he sits Harry on his lap, locking his hands on his lower back, as he wills away Harry’s tears.  “He never would, he’s too nice to hate anyone, okay.  Anyone. And you fit into the category of anyone, Harry, so there is no way that he would hate you.”  Harry smiles wetly at Zayn as he bounces him up and down slowly on his lap, making Harry look at him with almost happy green eyes.  “Now, tell me why you think doing any of that would make you think he hates you, yeah?”

“Because he didn’t want me to kiss him.”  Harry looks down sadly at the damp cuffs of the hoodie as he uses them to swallow his hands, hiding their shaking forms from view.  
“And how do you know that?  Maybe he did you know, did he stop you?”  Harry shakes his head slowly, unsure of what the right answer to that question is.  “Well if he didn’t stop you he must have liked it.”  Zayn lifts his hand to wipe a stray tear from Harry’s jaw before resting it back on the red material of the hoodie wrapped around Harry’s thin frame.  “And isn’t that his hoodie?”  Harry nods again, smiling at the memory of how it ended up on his body, of how Liam smiled at him as he zipped it up and slung the hood over his curls.  “Why have you got his hoodie?”  
“He gave it to me, to keep me warm, I was cold.”  Harry explains as he toys with the cuff continually, fingering at a loose thread contentedly.  
“See, he cares about you, he gave you his hoodie.”    
“Before I kissed him and told him I loved him.”  Zayn sighs as Harry looks down sadly once again, removing the small smile that was sat upon his lips a few moments prior, breaking his heart as he sees Harry so sad and so upset with himself.  
“You fell asleep in his arms though.”  Zayn reasons, hunting for a way to win this discussion and put Harry’s toothy smile back on his face.  “And I imagine that’s where you woke up this morning.”  Harry blushes and smiles timidly at Zayn’s words, making Zayn cheer inwardly.  “I’ll take that as a yes, then.  So he obviously doesn’t hate you.”  
“He might do.”  Harry whispers   
“He doesn’t okay, Haz, he loves you.”  
“Not like I want him to though.”

 Zayn’s hand on his back draws unpredictable shapes in his skin as he whispers his secret into the air, into the place he’s kept it away from for ages, until last night.  The place he forbid it to enter, until his emotions took over and blurted it from his mouth to the person it concerned, just hours earlier.  Harry sighs at himself as he settles his thumping heartbeat and wills his eyes to look back at Zayn, only to see a wide smile on his lips.  “How do you want him to?”  Harry licks at his lips in preparation, as he wills himself to say it, Zayn already knows really, he just wants to hear him say it and Harry can say it, he can, really he can, he’s not afraid, well, not really anyway.

“Like I do him.”  Harry lifts his hand to Zayn’s mouth, unintentionally rubbing over his scruff as he crushes his hand against his mouth, quietening the words that Zayn’s lips were forming as he urges himself to speak before Zayn licks impatiently at his palm, like he usually does.  “In the way where it physically hurts to not see him, where there’s like an invisible force pulling me to him and I want to be the reason that he’s happy.  Where I want to be able to tell him things I’ve never told anyone else and touch him and not be questioned for it.  I want to be able to be good for him, you know, be the reason why he’s smiling.  I want to be able to tell him that I love him without having to laugh it off or say the same to everyone else to make it more casual.  I want to be able to say that to him and it _mean_ something, something more than it does now to him.”  Harry lifts his hand from Zayn’s mouth slowly, urging the slight shake of it to go away as he drops it to his lap.  “I want to be there for him, to be able to calm him and make him peaceful, to be the first person he goes to.  I want to be what Louis is to Niall, I want to be able to hold him regardless of whether he’s happy or sad and know that he wants me to; I want him to love me, Zayn.  I want him to want me, to like me and just want me, okay?  I want him to love me like I love him.”

Harry sucks in a large breath as his heartbeat slows down slightly, so his heart is not hammering quite so hard against his chest, biting at his lip as Zayn’s hands continue stroking over his back in a comfortable movement.  “Maybe he does.”  Zayn whispers, Harry shakes his head quickly, “How do you know that he doesn’t?”  Harry’s head stops shaking as he looks into Zayn’s eyes, desperate to never find a reason to make it a concrete fact that Liam hates him, he doesn’t think he can handle that.  “See, you don’t.  So until you have a solid fact that he does I can assure you that he doesn’t, okay?  Now, why did you leave if you want that with him?”  
“Because I don’t think he wants that.  I think he wants to be my friend.”  
“A friend who didn’t push you away when you no doubt had your tongue down his throat, don’t look at me like that Haz, I’ve seen you in clubs playing tonsil-tennis, you’re all tongue.”  He smirks as Harry’s cheeks flame, “But anyway, he didn’t push you away did he?”  Harry shakes his head, slowly, nibbling at his bottom lip.  
“He kissed me back.”  
“He kissed you back?”  And you think he ‘hates’ you.  Are you stupid, Haz?  He obviously doesn’t hate you, maybe he wants the same?  Why else would he kiss you back and whatever else he did.”  
“He said he loved me.”  Zayn’s eyes go wide as he takes in Harry’s empty ones and the furrow of his brows.

“Haz, are you brain dead?”  Harry scowls at Zayn’s laughter, thumping playfully at his shoulder, making Zayn laugh harder.  “I mean, God Haz, if I snogged you and told you I loved you right now, what would you have to say about that?”  
“That you were highly sleep deprived and mistook me for a girl.”  Zayn laughs out loud quickly, bouncing Harry in his lap involuntarily as Harry smiles down at his childish friend.  
“The sleep deprived thing might be true,”  Zayn pokes at Harry’s chest a look of mock anger on his face, “but I’m pretty sure you look nothing like a girl, Haz, sorry to tell you.”  Harry rolls his eyes at his dark haired friend who’s still chuckling quietly to himself.  “And maybe I’d do it because I wanted to, like maybe why Liam did it.”  Harry flushes instantly as he thinks of Liam’s mouth on his own and his desperate little huffs as he whispered sweet nothings into Harry’s skin. “Because maybe he feels the same, y’know?  Why else would he kiss you and tell you that he loved you?”  
“Sleep deprived.”  Harry chuckles but his mouth is set in a firm line across his face.

“Shut up, Haz.  Now anyway, you know that talking to me isn’t going to help much, that only Liam can give you the answers you’re looking for.”  Harry’s face falls but Zayn continues, rubbing his hands over Harry’s back to help remove the hunch of his shoulders.  “He’s the only one who can tell you why he kissed you and why he said he loved you, and you know it.  You have to talk to him, Haz, I’m sorry but it’s the only way you’re gonna get your answers, okay?”  Harry nods, slowly, eyes sad as he looks at Zayn.  
“I know, but I don’t want to face his disappointment.”  A light buzz followed by a blaring males voice and a harsh guitar solo breaks through the room, making the pair jump in unison before their eyes settle on the light illuminating the black of Harry’s jean pocket.  Harry slips his hand inside the impossibly tight material, tugging out the vibrating device before staring down at the illuminated screen.  “Lou?”  Harry’s voice is quiet and raspy as he speaks into the tiny microphone in the phone, eyes empty, making Zayn’s brow furrow sadly at his broken friend before Harry’s eyes widen comically, blinking rapidly as he bites down hard on his lip, “Liam?”  He stutters, body frozen as Liam’s voice rushes in his ears. 

Looks like he won’t have to face him, Zayn thinks as he draws shapes in Harry’s skin, trying to calm his scared band mate as he sits still as a statue in his lap, listening to Liam’s voice and worrying his lip.  This is a type of torture, Zayn decides as Harry’s hand starts to tremble slightly where it’s sat against his thigh; Zayn reaches out to it instinctively, rubbing his thumb over Harry’s knuckles to calm the shake of it, receiving a grateful look from Harry as he listens to Liam’s voice through the receiver, “I think we need to talk.”  Harry whispers, grateful for the constant rub of Zayn’s fingers over his skin, “I’ll meet you back at the room, okay?”  Zayn smiles encouragingly at Harry as he puts the phone down with a shaky farewell to Liam.  
“You okay?”  Harry smiles glumly at Zayn but nods, lifting himself from Zayn’s lap to hug his band mate.  
“Thank you.”  Harry breathes into Zayn’s neck, clinging to him before rising from the bed and walking to the door of the room and opening it slowly, “Thank you so much.”  
“Anytime, now get to your boy, I need my sleep, don’t wanna go around kissing you accidentally now do I?”  Zayn teases, making Harry chuckle before he shuts the door behind him softly and trudging down the carpeted hallway, leaving Zayn to his dreams and his soft bed sheets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes are my own and any comments you have, good or bad, would be greatly appreciated <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes are my own and I'd love to hear any comments, good or bad, that you have about this story<3

“Okay, yeah, I’m on my way, see you soon, Haz, bye.”  Liam grins into the phone speaker before he drops it back in Louis’ hands, smiling wide at him and Niall as he hugs them tightly before bolting out of the suction that the sofa cushions have on his body, and sprinting to the door of the room, yanking it open before flicking his head around to see the confused slacked-jaws plastered to his friends faces.  “Thank you so much, guys!”  Liam says, voice echoing down the hall as he runs down the corridor to his and Harry’s room, face splitting into a mile wide grin in anticipation to see Harry again.  To see his boy.

Liam’s palm is damp on the solid brass of the hotel door handle, twisting it to open the large slab of wood protecting Harry from his view.  He slips inside, shutting the door carefully behind him as his eyes rake over the room, looking to see if Harry’s got there yet, but as he comes up empty he walks through the room, throwing the random items that they took out the night before into their suitcases before he settles himself on the edge of the bed, feeling the soft sheets under himself before rising and setting them back on the bed, smoothing them down with a smile as he fluffs up the pillow Harry laid on the night before.  The pillow where his raging curls laid out, mused with sleep as he nuzzled deeper into Liam’s arms, nosing at his skin as he snored lightly, breathing hotly over Liam’s arm in the moonlight.  The only sound in the room Harry’s rhythmic sleepy breathing entwined with Liam’s own as they held each other, arms locked around each other as they dozed off into a dreamy slumber, fingers unconsciously clinging to the other as their minds raced with images of the other.

“Liam?”  Harry’s slow voice breaks Liam’s thoughts as he smoothes down Harry’s side of the duvet, he turns to look at Harry’s little smile on his pink lips, torso encased in Liam’s hoodie and smiles in relief as he sees Harry’s chest rising and falling as he breaths.  He’s alive, Liam thinks, he’s breathing.  
“Hey.”  Liam whispers as he plops down onto the edge of the freshly made bed, looking at Harry’s flushed cheeks before he’s eyes settle on his bright shining green ones.  “Erm, you wanted us to talk?”  Liam frowns as Harry nods, tiptoeing along the carpet and sitting on the chair near the bed instead of next to Liam.  “You can sit here, you know.”  Liam whispers tapping at the mattress next to him, Harry’s eyes go wide before he pushes himself out of his seat and daintily places himself next to Liam.  “So what did you want to talk about?”

Harry bites at his lip as Liam’s big brown eyes look upon him, face so open and accepting that Harry knows he can do this, he told Zayn, so he can tell Liam, no biggie.  “Erm, about, like, last night.”  Liam flushes as he thinks of all the things he wanted to tell Harry; all of the things that he has only ever let float around his mind in imaginary scenarios, but he could have said them last night, he could have, if he’d tried to.  “I think we need to talk about it, like, what it was, y’know...” Harry trails off nervously, wringing his hands and chomping on his lip to still it’s slight wobble.  
“Erm, what was it for, like, you?”  Liam whispers, voice crumbling over his words as he sees how hard Harry’s biting his lip, so he lifts his hand, poking Harry’s tortured lip away from the sharp tip of his teeth with an honest smile.  “Don’t do that, you’re hurting yourself.”  Harry blushes lightly at the feeling of Liam on his mouth, even if it’s just his finger, it was still _Liam_.

“It was, erm, it was nice.”  Harry mumbles as he wills himself not to chew his lip, because Liam doesn’t want him to, and he wants to make Liam happy and if not biting his lip will do that, Harry won’t bite it for the rest of his life, maybe even in his next life and the next one if it meant Liam’s happy.  “What was it for you?”  Harry shifts on the bed, moving himself further up onto the mattress, leaving his feet dangling, swinging them playfully under him, knocking his knee with Liam’s, “Sorry.”    
“Nothing to be sorry for.”  Liam smiles as he sees Harry’s feet swing in front of them, kicking out happily as Liam hunts down the words to describe what last night was. 

How Harry’s lips on his own made his heart flutter in a way he’s never felt before and how his lips tingled afterwards, how Harry’s hair caressed his face in such a way when they kissed that Liam has longed to feel it against his skin ever since he woke up, how the constant beat of his heart made Liam’s own heart race as they held each other and how Harry’s breath ghosting across his skin kept him up as he watched the light breaths escape Harry’s parted lips long into the night.  “It was good, really good.”  Liam’s brain reprimands him as his heart takes over, instructing him to reach out for Harry’s hand, wrapping his fingers around the pale flesh and breathing a sigh of relief when Harry doesn’t move away and instead squeezes at his fingers.

“Really good?”  Harry’s cheeks redden as he tries to hide his smile and shining eyes, ducking his head and playing with the cuff of Liam’s hoodie.    
“Really good.”  Liam repeats, smiling at Harry’s cheeky smile that he’s trying to hide.  “So you, like, don’t hate me, do you?”  Harry bolts upright, the urge to hide his smile forgotten as he frowns, eyebrow dipping lowly as he looks at Liam; eyes serious and hurt as he studies Liam’s face; eyes sad and smile lost from his lips, making Harry’s heart sink.  
“I don’t hate you.”  Harry squeezes at Liam’s hand; making Liam squeeze back playfully, face lighting up as he does so.  “Never could.”  Liam’s eyes widen comically at Harry, making him grin. “You don’t hate me, do you?  Because of what we did?”  Harry avoids Liam’s big puppy dog eyes as he thinks of how Liam’s lips felt crushed up against his own as he kissed him fervently, tongue mapping out his mouth excitedly, faces wet with his tears as they licked into each other’s mouths, happy and hungry for the other as they expressed their love for the other, mouths locked in a fluid embrace as they moved against each other to express what words never could.

Liam’s heart takes over his body, shushing his brain and its logic quickly as it instructs Liam’s body to do as it wants, what Liam really wants, really needs if he’s being honest and that’s what Liam’s gonna do: he’s gonna be honest. “You mean last night, when we did this?”  Liam places his hands on either side of Harry’s head, stroking the lingering curls from his face as he slots their mouths together, smile dancing on his lips as Harry responds, wrapping his arms around Liam’s neck; tugging him closer as he kisses ferociously into Liam’s mouth.  Their tongues tangle in an embrace that leaves their brains empty and heart bursting whilst they hold onto the other, venturing into each other’s mouths as they pant together, mouth’s crashing passionately together as they kiss heatedly.  “Tell me you love me.”  Harry pants into Liam’s mouth as they pull back slightly, pressing chaste kisses to each other’s lips, faces flushed as they look dreamily into each other’s eyes.    
“I love you.”  Liam whispers, knocking their noses together in an Eskimo kiss before attacking Harry’s lips again, marking them as his own as he bites down on them, licking them to soothe them before darting into his mouth to continue mapping out his boy’s cavern.

“I love you too.”  Harry whispers as Liam licks over his bottom lip in apology for nipping it, eyes wide and surprised as he looks deep into Harry’s bright, emerald eyes hopefully.    
“You do?”  Harry threads this hands in the soft short tuffs of Liam’s hair, pulling him closer as he peppers kisses over his stubbled jaw.  
“Course I do.”  Liam nuzzles his head into Harry’s wide palms before kissing at his fingers lightly, cheeky smile on his lips, “I always have, Li, always.”  
“Always?”  
“Always.”  Harry drops a light kiss to Liam’s kiss swollen lips, nosing at his cheek before dropping back onto the soft sheets below him, sprawling out over the expanse of white cotton, hands reaching out in grabby motions at Liam, encouraging him to lay back with him. 

As Liam lies back, he finds Harry on top of him, curls flopping down over his forehead as he looks down upon Liam with happy chartreuse eyes and bitten lips, swollen to a delicious red by Liam’s kisses, making Liam’s heart skip a beat in delight.  “Now let me kiss you, Payne, I’ve wanted to for ages.”  
“Ages?”  Liam grins, stroking over Harry’s jaw with his fingertips, watching the shivers rattle down Harry’s spine under his hoodie.  
“Ages.”  
“How long is ages?”  Liam queries as he thumbs at Harry’s dimples, feeling the up-down of his smile under his fingers.  
“About the end of the Up All Night tour, I guess.”  Harry mumbles as he drops a kiss to the corner of Liam’s lip and scattering them over his mouth in a random arrangement, making Liam blush and smile affectionately at his boy, but is he really my boy, Liam thinks as Harry simpers down at him.    
“Can I call you ‘my boy’?”  Liam blurts out, fingers still over Harry’s skin as he realises what he’s just said, flushing crimson in milliseconds in embarrassment.  “You don’t need to answer that.”  He ducks his head, to avoid the questioning gaze he believes is held in Harry’s eyes.

Harry smiles softly down at Liam, looking over his face, the blush highlighting his cheeks, making his eyes look wide and hopeless, making Harry’s heart melt as he looks down at him, watching his Adam’s apple rise and fall nervously.  Harry tucks his fingers under Liam’s chin, lifting his face to meet his own, to smile at the boy he has loved for well over a year, to see his eyes as brown and as honest as he has ever seen them; for him.  “You can call me that, if I can call you it to.”  Harry smiles as Liam looks up excited at him, smile dancing along his lips as his eyes crinkle up at Harry.  
“Really?”  
“Really.”  Harry confirms, stroking over the curve of Liam’s lip with his thumb in wonder and amazement.  “How did I get you?”  Harry says, running his hand up and over Liam’s face, mapping out the smooth skin and the tiny indents of invisible scars.  “How did I get you to love me?”  Liam’s hand soothes the frizzy curls around Harry’s ears delicately, careful to not pull at the baby hairs.  
“By being you.”  Liam mumbles as he rises to kiss Harry’s lips before pulling him down into his arms and holding him close as the sun shines into the room, casting long shadows across its breadth.  “Being you made me love you.”  Liam whispers as Harry breathes him in as he nuzzles into his chest, entwining his fingers in Liam’s as he just listens to Liam’s thrumming heartbeat.

“I love you because you’re you too, Li.”  Harry smiles as Liam lifts the hood of the hoodie over his curls playfully, biting at his lip to hold back his childish smirk.  “You make me happy, Li.”  
“You make me happy too, Haz.”  Liam arranges Harry’s hair under the confines of the hood, tucking some behind his ears and letting some curl freely across the span of his forehead before dropping a faint kiss to the skin. “So happy, you wouldn’t believe it.”  Harry smiles inwardly as Liam’s hands rake over his skin, tingling his senses and making him shudder happily as his fingers trace effortless patterns on his skin.  “You make me smile so much I can’t believe you didn’t notice how much I smiled when I was around you.”  
“I like making you smile.”  Harry whispers into the silence of the room, hand pressed over Liam’s heart to feel the vibrations thrum through his skin.  “Makes me happy.”  
“I like making you happy.”  Liam admits as he draws an invisible heart onto Harry’s back, sinking into the soft covers as he holds onto _his boy_ , feeling his hot breath ghost over his skin as he breaths evenly, a contented smile on his lips.  “I love you.”  Liam hums into Harry’s neck, lips dancing over the skin as he speaks, a smile on his lips as he just holds Harry in his arms.

“I love you too.”  Harry whispers, body rolling off of Liam’s chest to duck his head into the crook of Liam’s elbow, eyes closed as he noses into the soft skin there, contented sigh falling from his lips as he kisses at the crease in the skin.  “I like it here, you’re really comfy.”  Harry chuckles making Liam laugh as well as Harry snuggles up around him, eyes clasped shut firmly as the sun tries to hit his eyes.  
“You going to sleep, Haz?” Liam wonders as he squeezes Harry’s hand softly, shifting on the bed, trying to avoid knocking Haz.  
“Yeah, I love you.”  Harry yawns as he squeezes Liam’s hand back, before they are interrupted by a loud knocking on the door, making Harry growl lazily and Liam chuckles at his antics before lifting him into his arms, waking up his docile form.  
“C’mon, Haz, time to go.”  Liam whispers, pulling Harry towards the door as he grabs their cases and checks they haven’t left anything before swinging the door open to find a set of smiling band mates and a tired looking Paul. 

“Hey guys.”  He greets, pulling Harry out of the door with his hand around his waist as Zayn smirks at him along with Niall and Louis before Paul tugs them down the hallway, chastising them for not leaving earlier, but for once Liam doesn’t care about being on time because he has Harry, and they have all the time in the world. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes are my own and if you have any comments, positive or negative, I'd love to hear from you!<3


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes are my own and if you have any comments, good or bad, just leave them in the comments box, yeah? I love to read them! <3

Paul’s heavy footsteps lead the boys down the carpeted hallway, hunting down the lift that will take them down to the hotel lobby, mind racing with thoughts about how to keep the boys safe, how they need a break at some point, how he needs to order them some pizza for the bus ride to their next stop in thanks for not messing him around.  “C’mon guys.”  He ushers the five into the lift that two bodyguards are holding for them, before he’s thumbing at the keys, instructing the metal case to take them down.

“Everyone sleep well?”  Paul wonders as he checks his phone, slotting it back into his pocket when he see’s he has no messages or missed calls, raising his eyes to lock on five smiling faces.  
“Yeah,” Harry yawns, slotting his head in the crook of Liam’s neck as he shuts his eyes drearily, making Zayn grin knowingly at Liam.  “You?”  Harry noses at Liam’s skin, blowing short gusts down his neck as he leans back into Liam’s strong, willing body.    
“Yeah, no fans knocked on my door looking for you guys, it was good.”  Paul chuckles whilst Liam looks at him sadly, eyes worried and upset as he thinks of how Paul sacrifices his sleep for them.  “Liam, don’t go puppy dog eyes on me, it’s fine, honestly.”  Liam shakes his head in protest as he thumbs at Harry’s shoulder, rubbing over the material of his own hoodie warmed by Harry’s body, making him grin inwardly.  “Now anyway, we’ve got a long drive ahead of us, then a quick photo shoot, so best behaviour boys; that means you, Lou.”  Louis’ eyes flick over to Paul, smirking as he does so, before turning back around to stare doe eyed at the smiling Niall wrapped in his arms.

“Nothing but well behaved, me.”  He smirks as Niall laughs loudly in his arms, head throw back onto his shoulder as his chuckle vibrates through the lift, his hand hitting at Louis’ around his shoulders affectionately as his cheeks flush with excitement and joy.  “Niall, I am well behaved.”  Louis protests, tugging Niall back against himself, slotting his hand over his mouth to quieten his laughter.  “Ewww!”  Louis quickly removes his hand from Niall’s mouth, wiping his hand down Niall’s hoodie roughly as he pushes the smirking, chuckling blonde from his arms.  “Not cool, you’re not supposed to lick me! And you say I’m not well behaved!”  He shrieks looking at Paul with wide innocent eyes but Paul just rolls his eyes, making Louis huff before he pulls Niall back against him, biting at the hood of his jacket in warning.  
“Lou!  Don’t be a poo!”  Niall squeaks, tugging his hoodie from between Louis’ teeth making the feathered haired boy chuckle affectionately at his frowning boyfriend before blowing hot blasts of breath down his neck, initiating involuntary shudders to speed down Niall’s spine and making him lean into Louis’ frame.  “You poo.”  He mutters as Louis nibbles at his neck, breath still hot as it ghosts down Niall’s spine.  
“Your poo.”  Louis breathes a smile against Niall’s neck, driving a wide smile onto Niall’s own lips in the process.  
“Love you.”  Niall whispers, turning his head to face Louis’ bright eyes and elated smile as he clasps at Louis’ tan hand easily, squeezing it lightly between his own.  
“I Love you too.”  Louis’s hand clenches at Niall’s own cheerfully as Niall beams back at him.

“You two are so sappy.”  Zayn whines, resting his head against the cool metal of the lift as it gradually lowers them to the ground floor, eyes closed as he rubs over his eyes sleepily.  “And you, Harry,” Zayn starts, making Harry drearily open his eyes at the dark haired boy, “Are the reason why I am shattered.”  Harry grins cheekily as Zayn pouts closed-eyed at him, “And don’t smirk at me, Haz, you jerk.”  The whole lift bursts out in light laughter, making Zayn sigh in defeat as he opens his eyes to catch sight of all the jolly faces aimed at him.    
“It’s because I love you.”  Harry replies, slow as he smirks around his words at Zayn and Zayn’s mind fills with happy thoughts, because people love him.  People appreciate and like him in a way he only thought Jenny did years ago, they like him for what he is; the brooding, shy guy that doesn’t appreciate confrontation but loves to be appreciated, has a passion for art and music and making other people smile before himself.  People like Zayn for being _Zayn_ , not for being a false ghost version of himself.  
“I thought you loved me?”  Liam whines, making Harry chuckle dotingly as he leans back into Liam’s muscular torso, watching the smirk on Zayn’s face grow as he feels Liam’s arms tighten around his shoulders.  
“I do.”  Harry smiles as he nuzzles his head into Liam’s chest, breathing in his soothing scent, thumbing over Liam’s hand, feeling Liam’s pulse race as he does.

“Oh for God’s sake, you’re all at it!”  Zayn cries, smile gracing his lips as he complains light-heartedly at his friends, grinning wide at the happiness they have between them; the happiness that makes his heart swell proudly as they hold onto each other, like all they have is each other.  And he guesses that in some ways they do.  The person they hold in their arms is the one, their one and only and he supposes that makes them the only thing they need. Because that’s how he feels about Perrie; how her smile makes his day, her antics make his life bliss and her laugh makes his heart flutter frantically – how she is the one, his one and only.

The memory of her makes Zayn smile involuntarily, thumbing at his phone concealed in his pocket as he thinks of how she’s just a phone call or text away regardless of the fact he’s on the other side of the world.  “Maybe you should call her, Zayn.”  Liam whispers, his head tucked over Harry’s curls as he holds him flush against his chest, smiling as Harry wiggles contently in his embrace.  Zayn smiles quickly at Liam before he digs his phone from his pocket, typing out a quick message to his blonde princess.

Hey Blondie, just wanted to say I love and miss you so much, can’t wait to see your beautiful smile in person again! Love Z xx

Liam smiles as his friend types away quickly before looking back at him with joyful eyes, the crease from his brow vanquished as he shoots off the message as the lift dings to indicate its arrival to the ground floor.

The eight of them step out of the metal case, smiles lighting up their faces as camera flashes bounce off the front windows of the hotel foyer and screams linger in the air outside as hoards of fans crowd around the building, trying to catch a glimpse of their idols.  “Ready boys?”  Paul asks as he hands the room keys over to the receptionist on the front desk, turning to face the five young men who are beaming out at the crowd outside.  The five nod quickly, preparing themselves for the grabby hands and deafening screams of their devotees as they press open the doors of the hotel, waving out at the crowd and smiling wide as the fans cheer and grin around them before they reach the safety of their car, stepping in slowly after they have waved a final farewell to their supporters.

The five buckle themselves into the car quickly, desperate to get on the road and to their next destination as their smiles slowly fade from their lips, the car’s engine roaring to life around them as they pull out on the winding road to their photo shoot. Harry ducks his head to rest onto Liam’s broad shoulder, fingers slipping between Liam’s own in a visceral embrace as the car turns out onto the motorway, hundreds of identical vehicles zooming past around them.  “Love you.”  Liam murmurs as he threads his free hand through Harry’s lightly matted curls.  
“Love you too, Li-Li.”  Harry smiles cheekily, closing his eyes and letting the gentle hum of the engine and Liam’s measured heartbeat will him into sleep as Liam holds onto him tightly, hands depicting intricate patterns into the exposed skin of Harry’s hip as he kisses at his forehead softly, mind buzzing with admiration for his boy.

“Look at Haz.”  Louis whispers as he knocks knees with Niall, smile illuminating his striking features as he watches Liam and Harry across the other side of the car.  Niall’s eyes migrate from the slope of Louis’ jaw to Harry’s sleeping form reluctantly, a dainty smile on his lips as he watches Liam grasp onto Harry’s hoodie-clad frame.    
“They’re so cute.”  Niall coos, slinging his leg over Louis’ to enable him to press a chaste kiss to his Doncaster boy’s lips, “But we’re cuter.”  Louis flushes as Niall pulls away, propping his leg back down off of Louis’ own, twisting his long fingers around Louis’ quickly and stroking over his boyfriend’s knuckles as they drive along the road, happy to be in each other’s presence with the taste of each other still lingering on their lips.

Zayn’s eyes flicker between the two couples, his four best friends, expeditiously before his attention falls on the vibrating object in his pocket.  Ducking his fingers inside, he grasps at his phone, pulling it from his pocket and unlocking it quickly, excited to read Perrie’s reply.

Hey Zee-Bee, I love and miss you too!  Not long to go now though, Boris misses you and tripping over your drawing pencils that you leave lying around! Can’t wait to see you either, Zee, love you<3 P xx

Zayn grins massively down at the pixelated words on the screen as the world passes by at the speed of light, but none of that matters; to Zayn, Louis, Niall, Harry or Liam.  Because they have everything they need and what extras the world has to offer will never be able to compete with the perfection they currently have.  The perfection of each other and of their one and only’s.  The perfection they call life.

“I love you guys.”  Zayn says, smiling wide at each and every one of his friends as they look back at him, confused yet endeared by his comment as they return it, grins plastered to their faces, even Harry’s, who has seamlessly woken from his slumber long enough to reply.    
“We love you too.”  They simper making Zayn’s heart swell in his chest before they fall into a comfortable silence, the flimsy reverberation of the radio the only noise between them as they zoom towards the destination of their latest photo shoot, content in each other’s presence as they race down the motorway, beaming at the life they live, of the indefectible opportunities they are allowed to experience together.

“Ready boys?”  Paul asks ready to slide out of his seat to open the door for the boys, exposing them to the wild screams and gleeful pleas of their adoring fans outside of the building where the photo shoot is to be held.    
“Always.”  They smile, slipping out of the car, genuine grateful smiles on their lips as they see the people shouting praise to them; waving and smiling out at the masses of their supporters as they realise just how much they mean to not only each other, but to people they don’t even know. Pushing themselves through the hoards of screaming fans, stopping to take quick photos and write scribbled autographs the boys slowly edge towards the doors of the building as they throw smiles out to the crowd.  Hands flail, cameras flash and fingers clasp around empty air as the fans try to touch, feel and photograph their idols as their excited cheers and squeals get louder.  “Liam we love you!” “Harry you’re a cupcake!” “Niall you’re perfect!” “Zayn you’re our bad boy!” “Louis you’re beautiful!”

 As they slip inside the building, having greeted the fans, faces flushed as they are ushered through the building, dopey grins on their faces as they reminisce on just what occurred just moments prior.  On the happiness they put on their fans faces by just being there.  “I love those guys.”  Niall smiles face rosy as he looks back at the hoards of fans, clutching at Louis’ hand happily as the photographer talks them through how the shoot is going to go.  “And I love you guys.”  The other four turn to grin at Niall, pulling him into a bone crushing hug; photographer forgotten as they hunch together, clinging to each other, dazed smiles stretched on their lips as they just live in the moment. 

Their moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes are my own and any comments that you have, positive or negative, are greatly appreciated <3

**Author's Note:**

> All mistakes are my own and all comments, positive or negative are always welcomed! Would love to hear people's opinions on how to improve my works and what they think I should try to write next <3


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